We are the product of our stories. This is a pillar of my worldview.

Seanan McGuire, one of my favorite authors and songwriters, made a post talking about the nature of fictional romance; specifically, the happy-ever-after ideal that every relationship must end, (usually quite quickly) with death or breakup.

This worries me. We have too much of a tendancy to become our stories. Looking with eyes opened, I can see places where it's happened, even to me. One of my early relationships was with a lovely young woman who lived far enough a way that I didn't see very much of her; every relationship is long-distance when you're too long to drive. I will never know what was going through her mind, but for me the entire process felt like following a set of prescribed steps that I didn't quite understand to get something I couldn't identify-- but wanted, badly, nonetheless. The trouble with following steps that your culture tells you are "how people fall in love" is that, sooner or later, you run out of cultural instruction, at least stuff that you like. She and I hit the point where neither of us knew what to do "next". Since we were both young and relatively innocent, this didn't take very long even given the glacial pace of long-distance. Eventually we broke up; to this day I'm not sure either of us is quite sure why. I think it must have seemed like progress, at the time. If I had to pick the relationship who's ending I regret most, it would probably be that one, despite or perhaps because the relative bloodlessness.

 My current partner has always been a case entirely seperate from my cultural programming, and I'm inclined to think that's a really good thing. I knew from the begining that "the rules" wouldn't work; I think part of the magic of it was that I expected so little, and gained so much.

In summary: We need better stories.